I seek for love

As part of the recent training (SPLICE) I went through they asked us to write our joys and thanksgivings everyday (which as a side note, I highly recommend) and during that time God placed an observation on my heart. I wrote the following in my journal:

Before SPLICE I would say that I have an addictive behavior. I would say that my addictions were caused by something inside of me that I cannot control. I could not do anything about them because my genetics determined that I get addicted easily. My addiction to food was because of genetics; my later addiction to exercise was because of genetics; all of my addictions were because of genetics and not because of anything else. I didn’t want to admit that it could be anything else. During SPLICE God opened my eyes. Through godly insight from others I have come to realize that it has nothing to do with genetics and it has everything to do with idolatry. I grab onto the thought of marriage or the taste of food or even exercise to fulfill me since I don’t always love myself. I need to shift my focus to God and search for love there and love myself because he first loved me. I have never loved myself fully and I have been searching for love from people and things and no matter how great people or the things make me feel for a short time they never can make me feel loved until I love myself.

Whenever I would read the commandment about not having any other idols before God, I always felt pretty good about myself in that sense. I never had a wooden idol or image of another god that I would bow down and worship. Man, was I wrong. I was worshiping so many things and Satan was hiding it so well from me that I never really had a clue. I never realized that I was idolizing marriage, or the way food or exercise made me feel.

Bible.lens.heart.smallI was clueless, but no more. It is my full intention to seek for love from God alone. When I do anything for myself or for others, I will look at motives and if they include the word I at all, then I will pause, pray and ask God for the right motives. Not only will this allow me to live a more healthy life, but also a life that will have more of an impact on others for His sake, not mine.

If I recognize His love for me, then I can love myself and if I love myself then I can truly love others.

2 thoughts on “I seek for love”

  1. Jake…thank you! Was looking for a devotion all day and this spoke truth to my heart. Definitely praying that I also look only to God for love and fulfillment!

    1. Thanks Christine! I’m glad this spoke truth to you as I know it was one of the most exciting things God helped me learn while at training. By the way I hope I get to see you in three weeks on the 21st.

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