I wasn’t ready, but I’m getting there!

Before training if you had asked me if I was ready to leave for Germany I would have said yes, without a doubt. No matter what aspect of my life you were meaning I would have answered yes. I thought I was ready to go immediately, I wanted to leave shortly after training was over (even faster than the 5 weeks I have now), I didn’t need to do anything else.

I was wrong….so wrong it’s pretty ridiculous. I’m not talking about the packing aspect of my move, or getting forms filled out, visas applied for and all of that other stuff. I’m talking about me and every aspect of me. The spiritual, physical, emotional and mental aspects of me.

We had a session in training about stressors and I went through a list and checked the boxes of the things that stress me out, like not having a plan, or people being late, and several other things. Then we started talking about the possible stressors of my new home and all of a sudden there was a much larger list. Things that aren’t stressful her are going to be stressful there like going to the grocery store or eating out, figuring out what size I am in German clothes and shoes, etc. Not to mention the fact that until I learn the language talking will be stressful and you all know how much I love to talk We also talked about saying healthy goodbyes to people and places we love (got to get that last good Mexican and Chinese meal still).

But the biggest thing I took away from those conversations is that I can’t wait to get to Germany before I start making habits. I need to develop the habits of daily devotionals and prayer, regular exercise, healthy eating, strong communication with loved ones, etc.

What I realized was I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready in pretty much any aspect of my life. I was doing ok in most areas, but they weren’t habits. How could I expect to start new habits while I am trying to adjust to all of the new things in my life. The two and a half weeks since training and for the next two and a half weeks, I am working on my habits (please ask me how I’m doing!). I am getting closer and I now realize God didn’t send me yet, because I wasn’t ready to be sent.

The day I realized part of this was a day of Sabbath rest for us. I went for a walk and while on the walk I started to pray. I didn’t have a specific plan for the prayer but this is what came out.

Lord I give you my plans

Do with them what you will

Lord I give you my desire to be married

Do with me what you will

Lord I give you Germany

Do with me what you will

Lord I give you my life

Do with it what you will

Lord I give you my desire for safety

Do with me what you will

Lord I give you my skills

Do with them what you will

Lord I give you my desire to be successful

Do with me what you will

Lord I give you my passions

Do with them what you will

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