A pair of ducks and the paradox of leaving

In just over 3 hours I am leaving Toledo with my mom, step-dad, brother and sister-in-law to go to Detroit airport and head to Maryland. I’ll be in Maryland for three days and then leave the US for Germany for the longest continuous stretch of time that I have ever been away from home.

Recently people have been asking me how I feel about the whole moving thing and my honest answer has consistently been, “depends on when you ask me.” It seems as though my brain is not even able to comprehend what it is thinking. My heart (not literal one of course) is so confused that very little emotion is shown on my face at some points.


At training we were introduced to the idea of a pair of ducks (yeah and yuck ducks) as an illustration of the paradox that we are going through as missionaries leaving and that our friends and family will be going through as well. I thought I would give you some of my yeah and yuck ducks as I prepare to leave:

This time in my life is one of the most exciting times in my life – yeah

I’m leaving my mom, who is my main support, my exercise partner and cooks some good food! – yuck

I’m moving to Germany – yeah

I’m leaving my brother whom I have become better friends with in the past year and a half than ever before – yuck

I’m going to be able to use the skills God has given me to help Europeans and Missionary kids – yeah

I’m leaving the only country I have ever lived in – yuck

I’m going to be fluent in another language within a year (hopefully) – yeah

I’m going to miss holidays with family – yuck

I’m going to be able to travel to places I never would have been able to normally – yeah

I’m leaving friends both in Ohio and Maryland (and some other places too!) – yuck


As you can see these are just some of the things that are going through my mind at any given time. It will be hard to say goodbye to my family today, but knowing that God will use me is worth it. It will be difficult, but God will provide my family, friends and I with the strength to remain close even when we are so far away.

Hoping and Praying

Watching the trailers to movies is weird for me right now. You know how they wait until the end of the preview to tell you when the movie comes out….well I’m hoping I’m not here for most of those so it’s weird. I was just at a movie and saw a few previews that made me want to watch the movie, but then I saw when it was coming out and I began hoping that I wouldn’t be here then.

I am hoping to leave the only country I have ever known as a resident to move to another continent, that I have only visited a few times, this April. That’s crazy and amazing and all kinds of ridiculous at the same time. What’s strange though is I keep forgetting until something or someone reminds me.

Just the other day my brother, his wife, my mom and step-dad were all talking about their plans for this summer. I started to think about my plans for this summer and I remembered I have no idea what I will be doing. That’s ok with me, I don’t mind not knowing my plans for my first few months in Germany, but it’s weird to think I will be setting up my own apartment, adventuring around a country where English is the second language, and trying to adjust to all things German!

To be quite honest I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m nervous and I’m hopeful.

I’m scared of leaving family and going that far away and missing things that happen here.

I’m excited to see how God uses the skills and talents that He has given me.

I’m nervous that I will have no idea what I’m doing!

I’m hopeful that I can be in Germany just after Easter.


Please pray for me and for all of my friends who are currently raising financial support so that are nerves and thoughts are calmed and that we can find that support we need to start doing what God has called us to do.